____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
