Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
