I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize