...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
