I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize