If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dear god my vagina.
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