I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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