He asked to "fluff my boner.."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
