covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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