Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
