I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
the raccoons are back...
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