wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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