Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
