Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My boob is missing a layer of skin
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
