it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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