Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
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I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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