you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
