you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
