he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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