She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
