The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
