Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
