Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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