I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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