Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
