based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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