you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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