Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
