I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
