Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
