at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
