I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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