Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
