I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
