My sheets look like a crime scene.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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