i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
