Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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