I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it glows. i had to have it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
