I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He? As in you personified your dick?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
