Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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