Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
