just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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