Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There r osticjed everywhere
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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