My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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