it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
