so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
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I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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