i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
