if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
