She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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