Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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