i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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