I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
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Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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