I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
