This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
