Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
