It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
