So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
