you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
