Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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