You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
