He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
